Sleep is for the weak...

Have you ever sat awake and watched the clock, telling yourself if I go to sleep now i can have (insert #) hours of sleep.... I for one do this often! I am finding it very difficult to make my brain listen to me when I tell it to turn off and rest so we can recharge for tomorrow. I can't help but sit here in the silence of the night and think about all that has gone on and will go on. I look at my son and remember just how tiny he was the very first time I saw him, and how I felt the first time he looked at me and smiled! I try to picture taking him to his first day of kindergarden or graduating high school; then i stop myself and think..he needs a liver for all of this to happen. I cant say I am 100% positive that everything is going to be ok, and that scares me. I have 100% faith in God and know that he has a plan for my son but cant help but wonder what it is? In the back of my mind when the world is sleeping and the night is still I find myself scared, worried, and sometimes angry. Its almost like I have a little angel and a little devil sitting on my shoulders on one side I cant help but think what if something happened to Jayden? I cant survive that. Then on the other side I think everything is going to be ok God has blessed our family and Jayden so much, there is no way he would have brought Jayden this far for nothing. If I just have Faith in God and Jamie and I take care of Jayden we will get to his High School graduation, we will see him marry and have kids. Am I wrong to be this way? Is this normal? Am I doing everything I can for Jayden? I sure hope I am. I guess patience is truly a virtue, I dont entirely possess. So I find myself trying to silence my thoughts and I am consumed by Facebook status',  googling everything that comes to mind, and blogging at 1 am. This can not be healthy or normal? I welcome the day with open arms that I can go back to being able to just live and not have to wait for my life to continue, because as of right now everything about our life feels like it is on hold or up in the air. I just want to live and treasure every moment God gives me with my son and my husband.